Feeling Guilty
November 30, 2016

‘I Cried…….’

My latest blog………it’s raw and vulnerable! Please don’t judge that’s not what this is about. It’s about being so authentic and true to yourself because this is YOUR LIFE no one else’s.

Last night I went with my 17 year old daughter to see the movie “Collateral Beauty” I had listened to friends reviews of it and it sounded deep! However I know as being spiritual and intuitive that it would totally depend on where the individual is on their life journey and how open they are and of course we have our own perspective.

Firstly Will Smith’s emotional acting was superb……..his face told a thousand stories all at different times.

Secondly to me this is not a movie to be merely ‘watched’ it’s a movie to learn from, to be taught and learn from past, present, future experiences and shifts in mindset. It’s as deep as you will allow yourself to go or it may just be a ‘skim the water’ experience for you!

For me it was yet another awakening. For my daughter it was an awakening. Very much a ‘dig deep to name that emotion and FEEL the feeling experience. I wouldn’t have gotten it at 17 because no one had taught me about feelings and emotions other than to ‘stop my sniffling or come and be given something to cry about!’

This movie made cry, made my daughter cry. For me it was those tears that just stream down and fall off your chin……..I didn’t even use a tissue I just let my scarf catch and absorb them, it was just such raw emotion. I cried about the babies I could not conceive and the couple that I did conceive only to release them back to nature a couple of weeks later. I cried about the beautiful babies I was so gracefully given who came not from my body but through me and I have raised them with my husband and now without him…….

I cried for the marriage for which I took my vows very seriously, but in the end couldn’t save it no matter what I did.
I cried for my children whom I brought into the marriage to give them a great family and life because they now were from a broken home. I cried because I was twelve hours away from being homeless with my two kids because of my husband refusing to sign a paper. I cried for the husband who was so angry at me for leaving but who wouldn’t be part of the solution but continued to be the problem. I cried for the major depression I endured and struggled with as a new single parent. I cried then for him whom I still loved and cared about when he passed away suddenly on Boxing Day four years ago mainly because he was not important enough to take care of himself……..I cried because I’m still frustrated about that! I cried because of him. I cried because of the hell that his brother put me through. I cried because now my children from a broken home don’t have a dad any more and he won’t get to see all their accomplishments and see them grow up and do great things with their life. My daughter cried because he didn’t show her he loved her in the way a daddy should. She cried because she doesn’t have a daddy to even be mad at! She cried because he didn’t value life or us. I cried because not only did we they lose him but all of his family too. I cried because none of my family are even in the same country as us. I cried because I later met and fell in love with a great soul who got sick and then moved away and I know with every fibre in my being he is my twin flame.

I cried because I fell in love with my twin flame because it was an amazing opportunity that I never believed I would have. I cried because of my amazing Kids, my supportive friends some who have become our family. I cried for the business partner I have. I cried for the Law of Attraction coming into my life. I cried for the emotional roller coaster ride born from infertility. I cried for the lost marriage, the passing of my husband, the lost job a month before, the depression I endured the illness which I had that so nearly took my life and the numerous major surgeries I endured to save it! I cried because I am a medical phenomenon three times over. I cried for the schooling, diplomas and certificates I recently achieved with honours. I cried for coauthoring my book #The Change #12. I cried because I get to go to San Diego to be mentored by two of the worlds most best, #Jim Britt and #Jim Lutes, Britt being Tony Robbins first mentor. I cried for every challenge, struggle and hurdle I have endured and over come.

I cried with tears streaming down and I cried because this is my story……..this is MY life……..parts of it……..and it’s what brought me to where I am today. This is my purpose, I am a survivor, I am filled with hope, courage and strength. I have no guilt, no one to forgive because that’s not up to me, we all have to live with ourselves and our actions, no one to be dependant upon but myself and the Creator! I now help others to figure out their purpose, to let go, to choose change, release fears , trust and believe that …….Everything absolutely happens for a reason, there are no concidences…….your life will all make sense, one day!
Much love and gratitude💕

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *