I know this feeling all too well as I felt it over and over for years. So many times this past week alone I have heard women say , “but I feel so guilty.” These women were talking about feelings of guilt for being a stay at home mum without another job and of taking time out for themselves when their husband was home. “I feel so guilty when I take time to do anything for me. If I spend time doing what I want and not taking care of the home or spending time with my family I feel guilty. My poor husband works all day and he never has any time to himself or to do what he wants. He just makes me feel so guilty!” When asked if the husband had ever said anything to them about them taking time for themselves, each of these women said ‘no!’ So really this is just a hallucination of thoughts they are having and it’s nothing to do with the husband whatsoever. It is all in our heads. I’m using the husband situation as an example, but there are many situations when women get that guilt feeling. Other times are if they forget to buy something which was needed, if they haven’t gotten around to washing certain items clothing and the like.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are some husbands who will have something to say about no dinner being ready when he gets home from work or having to wait for his wife as she is busy with the kids, may even annoy some men. However; I like to think that the majority of them understand just how challenging being a stay at home mum can be. They realize that once kids come into the picture their time alone with their wife will be less than it was. They realize that the house may not always be in order or that their dinner will automatically just be on the table when they arrive home. Truth be told I don’t think men in this day and age even expect it. Some of us from our childhood, remember our fathers going to work and our mums staying home and taking care of everything. This came from their upbringing too and it was an expectation from the years before. Things have changed substantially over the decades. Look at all the electric appliances we have now which still require our time to operate them but they do the work. I remember my mum spending hours doing laundry in an old boiler then using a wringer by hand to get rid of excess water. There were no dryers in those days either, clothes were hung on a line to dry. Kids didn’t have video games or computers to keep them busy. Things have changed so much, men are now stuck in front of Televisions or playing video games for hours and I can assure they do not feel any guilt when they do it. Neither do they blame their wives for making them feel guilty for how they chose to spend their time. Women on the other hand still feel guilty for taking time to do what they want. This feel g of guilt is a limiting belief that we place on ourselves. Our husbands don’t even think the same way we do, I’m sure they could care less if we take alone time. It’s us women who put pressure on ourselves by feeling guilty……why? Because we feel we are not worthy enough? We feel guilt but blame our husbands even although he hasn’t said anything. It’s self sabotage, negative self-talk and we drive ourselves crazy with it. It really has no bearing, no proof, makes no sense. If we have time for everyone and everything else then why do we not value time for ourselves? Are we not important? Try asking your husband to clean up after dinner while you play a video game. Our husbands could not go to work and be as successful if it were not for us holding down the fort at home. Staying home and raising kids is the toughest job you will ever do, there are no salaries, no benefits, no lunch breaks, no vacation days. Let go of those unfounded guilty feelings and take time out for your needs. You are worth it! Love yourself first!